she wears a paper hat . . .

flying high

2011-02-01T12:47:00.003Z

two years ago today i made a big move. today i'm making another one.

i live here now. please come over. i'll make you chamomile tea and play the banjo (a wee bit) . . .

edinburgh

2011-02-01T10:42:00.002Z

happy two years, edinburgh. i love you now more than ever before.

nice

2011-01-31T12:14:00.002Z

ellie came for tea last week. i made lasagne and beetroot salad.
we had water with strawberries and vintage crockery. always a joy to have a nice girl in your nice home.

my moon, my man

2011-01-22T22:23:00.003Z

the moon is peeping at me through a gap in the clouds, across a meadow of cold and tartan beauty.

i found out last night that he moon we see can never, ever be in the same position again. the man who told me wears a woolen hat, has a grey beard and smokes a pipe. that fact makes night seem clearer, somehow.

making more effort to give my words away and learning plain, pearl, plain, pearl.

first words

2011-01-18T11:23:00.003Z

new year, new words in a new space. i have a bird blog. life is good.

old and new

2011-01-16T20:37:00.003Z

i have lost the snow. in its place i have gained a banjo and mini accordian.

birdwatching

2011-01-12T09:34:00.001Z

this year is for birdwatching, squared.

Remember

2010-11-11T10:58:00.003Z

'O, but everyone was a bird;
and the song was wordless;
the singing will never be done.'

[Siegfried Sassoon]

wishing

2010-10-26T12:45:00.002+01:00

wishing i was back here. brighton on the sunniest of early autumn days.

2010-09-21T22:04:00.003+01:00

i wish we could take every path.

leaving

2010-09-17T17:52:00.003+01:00

i saw the most beautiful flight of swallows leaving our islands today.
it nearly made me cry, it's 'v' was so seeped in melancholy.
i know a boy who watched a seagull tapdance on a lawn today.

in the summer two blue swallows encircled me in their path on a day when
i was blue as blue can be. i can see that part of the meadows from the place that i have migrated to.
i have left swallows behind on a wall, but sometimes leaving just * has* to happen.
and i hope we did it beautifully, and as gracefully as a bird at summer's close.

barcelona

2010-09-02T20:20:00.005+01:00

we went to barcelona at the start of the summer. the end of the summer has come and i am learning to climb trees, again.

colour, wood, beauty and the most wonderful of friends

2010-08-05T21:05:00.002+01:00

sometimes the people in my life blow my mind even more than all the colours of the universe, all the trees in the land and all the melodies in the universe.

my magical friends, matt and kate of she animates made this. it made me wee heart sing.

a year is round from she animates on Vimeo.

silence

2010-07-09T21:06:00.004+01:00

sometimes i get sad.

silence isn't the answer but always seems to be how i cope.

discussions with teachers . . .

2010-05-14T23:59:00.003+01:00

' The teacher must be one who never makes a compromise in heart or mind with what is untrue. '

[Rudolf Steiner, Discussions with teachers]

I worked on my first ever lesson plan this week. I won't teach it, it was as a presentation in relation to teaching and the temperaments. I used Oscar Wilde's ' The selfish Giant'. It was so much work and involved many fraught nights but it was oh-so worth it. If you haven't read his beautiful words I suggest you do as soon as you possibly can. Here are some to start you off . . .

' . . . but the children are the most beautiful flowers of them all.'

black black black

2010-05-05T12:46:00.002+01:00

Goethean Science is on my mind in the dead of night.

I am understanding more and more that darkness is so much more than an absence of light. this reality is something that i cannot let go of, even when i need to sleep.

i think i need to write lots and lots of words about my silly wee thoughts on this scarily beautiful topic, lest i go truly mad.

salad saturday . . .

2010-05-02T23:06:00.003+01:00

there is something so awesome about having a posh salad on a saturday evening.

halloumi, olives, sun-dried tomatoes, home-made crouton and freshly whipped up guacamole.

spring may not exactly be warming up our flat but the food that it brings is warming up our tummies.

polka dot dot dot . . .

2010-04-27T23:49:00.002+01:00

in school this week we were learning about the damage that can be done when you haven't dealt with issues and pain you have encountered through your life's biography.

as a teacher, it is vital that you have said goodbye to all the ghosts that haunt. life is too beautiful to grow old holding onto hurt caused in the past.

i am (slowly, so slowly) learning to love me more.

glasgow with my girl

2010-04-25T18:18:00.004+01:00

miss doherty came over to stay with my during spring break, the day after my family left. on top of the excitement of simply just having my bestie over with me, i also got to accompany her to view glasgow uni as she's been offered a place to study there in september! i have doing my best to not try to beg her to choose glasgow, as i know it would be out of purely selfish reasons. . . the thought of having her an hour away by bus, as opposed to an ocean away, is too much for me to contemplate without jumping up and down like a wee five year old. any hows, we got the bus through to glasgow for the day. we had the loveliest of outings indeed.

star-gazing at the hunterian , coffee and charity shopping on byre's road, ice cream at the botanic gardens and cider before we hot-footed it home where my boy had a lovely dinner and intellectual conversation awaiting us.

now all i need to do is hope that she will come . . .

earth day

2010-04-22T19:40:00.005+01:00

poppy and i enjoyed earth day lots. i was up at dawn to greet my own wee menagerie outside of the window. then on our way to work at 6.45 am we had to stop and let a wee grey squirrel cross the road. in work i had the most uplifting chat with two wee girls who have set up their very own environmental justice squad to help tackle things like litter, energy misuse and lack of awareness within school. *sigh* oh to be 9 again and make badges and lists to help your beloved planet. i am ever and always inspired by small people.

oooh, and loving me some stripes recently. spring always makes me dream of paris . . .

"like an extra arm" . . .

2010-04-20T08:53:00.004+01:00

" i will come back here, bring me back when i'm old . . ."

i went to see laura marling with the beautiful miss kate the other night. the evening was all kinds of wonderful and was just the magic i needed to get me over the last few weeks. i'm not really sure what happened inside my wee head but all of a sudden i stopped being able to deal with things and it scared me a bit.

when my mamma and wee men left i took it really hard this time. i guess i thought it would get easier but being away from those you love is hard and that's just that.

however, a wee melodic tune that miss marling played seemed to allow everything to fall into place in my head.

nothing and nowhere are the end. the thing about having beautiful experiences and moments is that once you've done it once, you know the way by heart and you don't even need to fuss about bringing a map in your picnic basket . . .

"everyone one i love . . .

2010-04-16T22:04:00.004+01:00

. . . goes away, in the end."

my mamma came with my baby brothers and now they are gone and i am blue as blue knows how.

colour theory . . .

2010-03-26T23:00:00.003Z

a week of magic.

goethe's colour theory/meeting a man from my homeland who wants to talk with me about sir david brewster.

discussing art, head scarves and the stages of life with this wee beauty.

having a farewell drink with ellie under the stairs before she set sail for lands afar for a wee while.

spending the most beautiful morning ever with this little lady in her awesome nest.

i am living my life at the place where the darkness meets the light; the colours in this world are breath-takingly kaleidoscopic.

spring equinox . . .

2010-03-21T19:02:00.004Z

today is spring equinox and the birds outside of my window are celebrating with the most lyrical ballad . . .

instead of trying to balance an egg on its point, i scrambled one and ate it while listening to this song and reading arthurian romances by chretian de troye. the photographs are from wednesday when i was too homesick to post.

i miss my island so much sometimes, no matter how troubled it is. especially in the green days of spring time.

2010-03-16T22:31:00.003Z

today i fed (from the third and top floor of my inner city tenement building flat)- one wood pigeon, two blackbirds (one male, one female), a magpie and three bluetits. as i hung out of the window listening to the spring morning stretch itself out on the grass outside i felt so happy that i could almost have cried.

also. i have been noticing more and more that the sky is not just blue in colour. it is made up of the most magical hues that i never thought existed before this year.

(re)reading- Margaret Atwood-'The Penelopiad'
listening to-the new She and him album
wearing-new thrifted vintage dress from the salvation army
loving-spring, life and our wee world

the colours that the weather wears . . .

2010-03-12T00:22:00.002Z

two nights ago i talked with my babiest brother for half an hour about the weather. he told me exactly what to expect within the days that followed on the scottish mainland, based on what the island of ireland had experienced in the previous week. sunshine, blustery winds and a bite like a wolf. he is the most clever eight year there could ever be.

if the weather wore colours today they would be like that of the rainbow; mismatched but with the most beautiful unity.

lovely lunch here today with this girl.

skirt and granny blanket-£3.50 in different edinburgh salvation army shops on different days other than today.

value . . . .

2010-03-08T12:56:00.006Z

i had my first Global Economy observation lesson today at school. the class were learning about the concept of value and how worth is something that can only be worked out based around humanity. we were also discussing the way that lawyers, doctors and bankers come away with huge wages yet teachers, play workers and kindergarten assistants do not. despite working just as hard in many cases and studying for just as long if not longer. how have we come to this? and how have we let our economy come to the place we are in whereby hard working people are literally living on the bread line based on mistakes made by people who will certainly not be counting their pennies to buy a loaf of almost mouldy bread in the reduced bucket? . . . it is all so heart-breaking.

the other day a very good friend from my teacher training course and i were talking about the demands of modern life and how every month seems to bring another financial concern. she joked that this month she and hers would be living on beans on toast. and that comment got me thinking. about what i place value upon. i really, really value beans on toast. it is my no-fail comfort food. always. it evokes memories of my mamma and i sitting in the kitchen of the council house i grew up in with otis redding in the background and a yellow teapot on an old dresser. in those memories, it's always a saturday and she's always reading me a book while waiting for the toast to brown under the grill. those meals of beans on toast were worth the world to me. the dresser was a pass-me-down from a lovely neighbour next door, the books were those that we had just bought in some or other charity shop that particular saturday morning and we never needed to own a toaster.

today i made myself beans on toast after steiner. my boy had made the beans. i baked the bread. i ate it off thrifted china that doesn't match while wearing a cheap floral tea dress off ebay and reading my newest angela carter charity shop find.

today, on international women's day, i am remembering all of those greats that came before.

today, i am thinking about the one in particular that taught me everything i know about the true value of things . . .

' I am learning peacefulness' . . .

2010-03-07T19:05:00.004Z

today.

lots of good coffee with my man. the new joanna newsom album. baking sunflower seed bread. an apron thrifted in dublin's fair city with this beautiful girl. another beautiful girl around my neck. sylvia plath's 'ariel'. thoughts about classroom management in a holistic manner. a fable about a stork and a wolf. new words spiralling around on the inside of my soul.

a morning

2010-03-05T21:04:00.004Z

flowers on my skirt and on my walk to my philosophy class.

pink nails and a blue blue sky.

plato in my head, laura marling in my ears, honey in my tea and spring in my morning.

tea for two

2010-03-02T19:36:00.003Z

ellie came around today to celebrate spring. we had pain au chocolate and a pot of strawberry, raspberry and loganberry tea. she gave me the most beautiful tulips and a huge smile. i liked both presents as much as the other.

rabbit rabbit . . .

2010-03-01T10:55:00.003Z

. . . march, you are the month i most love to say rabbit rabbit on day number one. welcome. x

running away with the circus . . .

2010-02-28T18:16:00.002Z

. . . with a lovely lady. x

lost and found . . .

2010-02-27T19:27:00.016Z

LOST (sometime during my state school education)

one pair of beautiful wooden clogs that were a teensey bit too small

many 'friends' that didn't want to be there when the going got tough

all sense of confidence in my ability to 'do mathematics' / the feeling of maths as being spiritually connected to our awesome universe/ all wonder and awe that used to live inside of the wee child i was for this subject

FOUND (today and on other days since joining Edinburgh Rudolf Steiner)

one pair of beautiful wooden docter marten clogs that fit perfectly

many friends that have already helped me grow as a person in ways i never thought possible

a rhythm inside of me that makes me feel numbers in ways that i have only ever felt words before/glimmers of understanding of those huge concepts that make us swirl from star dust into beings in mathematical form/ a very excited little girl that has found that awe and wonder all over again and is NEVER going to have it taken away from her again

a magical day . . .

2010-02-21T19:46:00.008Z

. . . with this family here.

photographs from the most magical day and night spent with jenny, brian and evie just after christmas.

i arrived to find that brian had cooked me the most lovely veggie meal and jenny had made me mulled wine and got me chocolate cake to celebrate my birthday which had been the day before. lots of hugs, laughter and falling in love with evie all over again . . . there was lisa hannigan in the background, lots of coffee in thrifted vintage china, good food and even better company. brian let jenny and i brave the cold the next day so we could charity shop, catch up and eat cake in our old haunt; gruel. it was so awesome just sitting there together. remembering business meetings from when we had our wee stall way back them and talking about how much things have changed for us both. definitely for the better. we walked a street right by where we used to live and which we haven't been on in years. and it's so weird that no matter what has changed in our lives, jenny and i are always still the same.

*sigh*

i sooo much wish we lived closer together.

valentine's day . . .

2010-02-14T22:17:00.002Z

steaming hot coffee, hard boiled eggs in thrifted yellow egg plates with wee soldiers that i got for free in my local charity shop, a discussion about books made into films in bed, tights with wee grey hearts on, the 35 bus to leith, lunch in the roseleaf, strawberry cider, homemade veggie soup, herbal teas and cookies made of white chocolate and raspberries, au revior simone, polaroids, dianas, LOVE . . .

a rainbow of love . . .

2010-02-14T19:47:00.004Z

i really hope everyone had a lovely valentine's day . . . i wanted to share this wee book that i have loved for years. i got given it from my mamma when i was a teeney wee girl but when something very awful happened to an old lady i knew i gave it away. i've spent forever looking for it again and finally found it in oxfam book store in morningside. i have already spoken of my love for finding wee secret notes inside books and it happened again with this wee one. i have had it for months now and only read it on this the most special of sundays in february and found the loveliest of words in blue ink pen . . . *swoon*

xxx

my poorly boy . . .

2010-02-11T19:08:00.003Z

. . . . please get well soon. x

birfday boy . . .

2010-02-09T22:35:00.006Z

my boy had a birthday. i made lasagna at his request and bought him swanky german wheat beers. i baked him brownies and got him lovely cornish clotted ice cream. mmmm. we listened to beachhouse and he hung up this aeroplane that i made him. i hope he had a lovely day, even though he was poorly.

one year in our wee nest . . .

2010-02-07T21:23:00.002Z

on the first day of february, we celebrated a full year of living together in edinburgh.

we made pancakes for the very special occasion.

i fall a wee bit more in love with this city, our nest and this man every single day.

Latha Fheill Bride . . .

2010-02-03T19:13:00.003Z

yesterday was candlemas, or 'Latha Fheill Bride' in Scotland. it is the celebration when the light is welcomed back in after the deepest darkest winter nights have passed.
its origins, like that of so many Christian festivals, lie in the old ancient and pagan beliefs and tales.On this day, many moons ago, Pluto stole Proserpine. her mother Ceres searched for her with broken heart and lighted candles. thus we carry candles on this day.

there is a wee belief that on this day and this day alone, the wolves come out from their lairs and measure up the season. if it be pleasing onto them, they emerge, hungry and eager. if they cower back in fear at the elements, winter is only just begun . . . i only saw one wolf this candlemas and he was definitely cowering in our lair . . .

my wee man

2010-02-03T10:26:00.004Z

this handsome boy was 8 on monday. first birthday his big sister hasn't been there. i cried a wee bit. he is a magical one and i love him so. (photograph from last year when he didn't have his two front teeth . . .)

ten things for 2010

2010-01-31T13:48:00.004Z

i wanted it to leave it until the very last day of January to decide for definite what i was having as my resolutions this year. this is the busiest that my life has ever been so far and i an finding it very hard to be able to find the time to just sit and ponder with a cup of tea in hand, what with working at school monday to friday and then Steiner all weekend. But i have finally decided. so, in 2010 these are the things i hope to do . . . .

fly a kite
swim and start back at yoga
cycle poppy everywhere. preferably along the beach, canal and beside a castle with the love of my life
let go of the past. this wee one has already been started in 2009 but i want to really, truly and wholly let go.
leave the UK with my boy for the first time( preferably somewhere warm, wearing a floral tea dress and dancing to good music with a cider in hand.)
push myself further in living a green life. this includes making at least one item of clothing from scratch, fixing broken things instead of just replacing, starting to get ecover refills for washing up liquid and making more presents/ cards etc. i am soooo excited about this one.
graduate first year steiner teaching training
set myself some time aside to write, drink herbal tea and charity shop. things have been so busy in the last few months that i am not getting to see friends or even organise my week properly.
start learning to play the ukulele
show those i love how much i love them. (think this one needs to be on every year.)

so, fingers crossed!

12 months in review . . .

2010-01-14T20:29:00.007Z

i think the thing i have loved the most about having this wee blog of mine is the way it allows me to so easily look back and reflect. of course my journal allows for that too but i love how with this blog i can see my words and photographs together and when i see the entry for a certain day i somehow remember smells, sounds, fears, hopes and love.

so much has happened since last new year's eve . . . . my life has probably seen more changes in the last year than it did over the decade the year was the close of.

*january*- in the first month my boy and i went to edinburgh to take the first steps , then we packed up all our worldly possessions and i cried sore.

*february*-i celebrated my boy's birthday with him for the first time as his girlfriend and we had our first valentines day together. *bleurrrrgh*

*march*-i fell head over heels in love with edinburgh's spring, had my first saint patrick's day off my green island and saw many of the words from here appear in other magical places.

*april*-was all about the teeney things in life. i got bessie and new hair; completely natural for the first time in many years.

*may*-i had my 100th post, one of the loveliest days out of my life and fully enjoyed the days of may.

*june*-i posted a very important letter, miss doherty came to stay, and i talked more openly than i ever have before about my work here.

*july*-we went home for the first time, watched aeroplanes in cambridge, and celebrated our first year together.oh, and i had fun at the beach!

*august*-kind of blew my mind in its awesomeness. i got my website, got myself ready and went to london to read my work at the london poetry festival!

*september*-i made the biggest decision of my adult life, had my first day at my new school, met amazing new people, (this one being my favourite), welcomed autumn into the year and poppy into my life. oh, and there was this awesome gig . . .

*october*-this month saw braids, amazing colours and my bestest publication to date.and of course there was a very scary night . . .

*november*-star gazing, a beautiful day with an awesome girl, and lots of nesting.

*december*-magic, new traditions, wrapping and then the wonderfulness itself . . . oh and i became a birthday girl once again.

2009, you were so beautiful. 2010,welcome in. x

we gave the new year sparklers . . .

2010-01-14T19:50:00.007Z

like last year, we gave the new year a little present. this time we decided on sparklers . . .

this new year's eve the boy and i had the most beautiful shepherd's pie and one drink each (him-a glass of red, me-an organic cider) and played table football with our two wee men. it was awesome. then when midnight came we huddled together in the front garden and let our wee crackling lights drift off into the night's magical chill as the fireworks on the hill across the way glimmered in the new year's snow.

it was beautiful and oh, so calm. i am so ready for this new year, in all its wholeness.

i still believe in magic . . .

2010-01-10T16:19:00.005Z

. . . because even when i'm sooo poorly, covered in snot and grumpy as a wild bear he'll make me natural alternative lemsip drinks, a large pot of homemade carrot and ginger soup and let me stay wrapped up all weekend telling me how much he loves me. *sigh* . . . how did i ever get this one?

my birthday . . .

2010-01-08T16:29:00.006Z

porridge with the love of my life which i brought him to bed as he was still so poorly, lovely cards from my wee men, wearing my gorgeous new grey and black lace birthday dress and grey heels(!), dinner in halo; the boy and i's first time to our old haunt since we moved away from home, magical new black ruffle lady heels from mamma in wide fit to stop bleeding tootsies, a new purple antique rose top which i love love love, lovely mustard tights from miss doherty with a floral scarf which is simply perfect, raspberry cider in a bath filled with a lush 'red shoes' sparkly bath bomb,drinks in sandinos with those i love, a very frozen totter across the snowy river home hand in hand with my dream boy.

26 promises to be magical given how it started . . .x

christmas on a green island wearing a white dress . . .

2010-01-05T14:49:00.004Z

lady eire wore the most beautiful white dress this christmas . . .

there was lots and lots of fresh and wonderful home cooking (including a handmade nutroast and beer soaked veggie vol-o-vents on the big day), our families around us, twirling on the dancefloor with my beautiful mamma, a trip to see two of my favourite girls and the man of their house in dublin (more on that later), two wee men that get more amazing every second of every day, planet 51, being the last customers served ice cream in fiorentinis in 2009, drinks with my bestie, lovely new shoes, a birthday (deserves its own post) and lots and lots of love. our family is very small and christmas always brings its own share of heartache in everyone's stockings but we always seem to make it sparkle like the brightest star in the sky, in spite of everything.

christmas 2009 . . .

2010-01-04T14:35:00.005Z

. . . was both beautiful and hard.

the best moment before going home to the emerald isle was making and hanging our christmas decorations together for the first time in our own home. there was something so magical about having a flat full of paper, doilies and glitter as the snow fell softly outside our window.

one year and five months . . .

2009-12-20T00:30:00.005Z

. . . and you still make me as happy as the first snow fall of the year does; every day.

(w)rapping for me homies . . . .

2009-12-19T20:51:00.004Z

my most favourite part of giving gifts is the wrapping.

there is something so magical about making snowflake doilies, buying beautiful card and tissue paper, cuttong pretty ribbon and then sitting at your kitchen table typing special words for the most specialest of people in your life . . .

mulled wine and home-made pizza . . .

2009-12-17T21:20:00.005Z

my boy has been very poorly for the last week but he still insisted on making us awesome freshly home-made pizza. to say thank-you and to help kick start his wee immune system i made a huge pot of mulled wine . . . mmmmm. we are finding our own traditions for the season. real ones that mean something. it's beginning to smell and taste alot like christmas around here. and with the first snow fall today, magic is so thick in the air you have to shake it out of your hair after you take off your woolie hat when you come home . . .

magic and other such sparkles . . .

2009-12-12T18:06:00.005Z

the last day of school. candles, carols, secrets, tears; magic . . .

"Joachim thought it strange that everything that had to do with Christmas was so special. It was one of the most secret things in the whole world."

(reading this special book again )

the twenty one balloons . . .

2009-12-10T10:17:00.003Z

listening to this beautiful band sing of life and its magical mysteries. the world is not flat. and how lucky we are that we have those we love. but sometimes when they are so far away we would love nothing more than to float to them on a big gust of winter wind.

"it's funny how the wind still makes me homesick sometimes . . ."

urban angels . . .

2009-12-08T20:38:00.004Z

ellie and i had such a lovely morning. hot chocolate and coffee at urban angel, swanky culinary treats at real foods, ooohing and aaahing at cath kidston,polaroid magic, talk of christmas filling the air. xx

slow food . . .

2009-12-07T00:27:00.004Z

in our home, food is always slow.
i hope it always stays that way because his cooking was the first thing i fell for. well, after his cheeky irish viking warrior ways and his mind blowing intelligence.

fairisle . . .

2009-12-06T14:08:00.002Z

this hat makes decemeber so much more beautiful, if that were even at all possible.

the first advent candle was lit yeasterday and we sang words of joy. christmas cottage scenes were painted, straw stars assembled so delicately and apple cake was shared amongst friends who grow closer and closer each week. a little nerd girl received two A+ grades in essays she thought she would barely pass. a very deep discussion was had about the true meaning of the festivals and gaia in all her breathing, magical splendor was whispered of, softly. and i am slowly, slowly remembering why i came down to walk upon her.

"just come on home" . . .

2009-12-02T23:27:00.004Z

"you pulled me out of the dark and now it's light"

good luck charms . . .

2009-12-01T22:46:00.005Z

quite recently my beautiful good luck horse necklace broke. it is in horse hospital (with the maker) getting better and has been for over two months. i am a teeney bit heartbroken.
i've had a very tough few weeks and just got some very good news about a big scare i had. methinks the good luck came to visit because of all the horses we seem to have galloping around our wee home.

this is a huge thank-you to my wee equine guardians. i was a very scared girl for a wee while and now i am just a wee happy one.

nest . . .

2009-11-17T23:34:00.007Z

we live here.

lizzy stewart print to match thrifted matryoshka collection, magnet-present from brother's trip to the big apple, thrifted xylophone, 'love is' print-framed card from red door gallery, ceramic birds-thrifted, origami dinousaur-made on my birthday last year with a wee small man, my favourite picture i've ever taken of my two favourite boys

thrifted blackboard, thrifted vintage scrabble board-gift to my boy from me on our first valentines

bit by bit we are making this house a home.

all mismatching crockery thrifted (a very small selection pictured-the rest is in the sink awaiting washing . . .), vintage magimix-thrifted, teapots all thrifted aside from gorgeous polka dot one-birthday gift from my mamma, hummingbird bakery cookbook

today was washing day and all of a sudden i craved a washing line. some of the best memories i have of my childhood revolves around blustery days helping my mamma bring in the clothes. id often find wooden pegs stuck to my cardigan the next day when the peg bag was too full . . .

the week before brian and i got together i was in my family home hanging out the washing in the garden when he texted to say he was bringing me in a freshly cooked chana masala. when he arrived i still had pegs in my skirt pockets.

so today, on a most blustery edinburgh morning, i bought us a washing line and pegs. . . . not quite a garden on an emerald isle but it's ours and we love it.

our wee bicycles get used to the new washing line

lovely floral and polka dot cath kidston pillow cases

old photograph from the guardian on our bathroom door

silver and a horse . . .

2009-11-15T23:59:00.004Z

today was- a lovely lie in with the love of my life, the bell jar, sunday veggie breakfast, a massive ebay update, au revoir simone, very curly hair, drinks with ellie under the stairs and the villager, talk of my birthday next month(exciting!) soup,white chocolate and raspberry cookies. hope everyone had a lovely sunday x

For all that went before . . .

2009-11-11T18:34:00.003Z

'the poppies blow . . .and in the sky/ the larks, still bravely singing, fly . . .'
[John McCrae]

Where I am from it is incredibly hard to be seen wearing a red poppy today without seeming to be making some political or social point. . .
When I was growing up I hated the fact that the red signified bloodshed and shunned the very concept of us remembering the death and atrocity of the past. But I have a very wise Grandpa and he explained to me that I might get my poppy and paint it white; to remember the lives without the blood red. He made me see that wearing it, even if white, was the truly important bit.
But then I grew up and I realised that their sacrifice was their lives and try as I may, I could not forget that. The poppy is red. Not to justify what came before, the decisions made, the lives and loves lost.
But simply to remember. For me, that is so, so important and today it is all that matters.

I shall remember them; each and every one.

mittens time . . .

2009-11-11T12:41:00.003Z

it is most definitely mittens time here in edinburgh and i love it. crunching through the leaves with a wee red nose and baking just to warm the flat. looking forward to ella fitzgerald christmas album when it becomes a reasonable date . . . .

chips and cider vinegar . . .

2009-11-08T22:38:00.007Z

. . . is really the best way to end your weekend.

this weekend has been lunch here with this magical lady wearing beautiful new cath kidston cowboy wellies as the edinburgh rain lashed down, romantic poetry in school, knitting, angela carter at night times, hot chocolate, no meat balls and mash,the science of sleep, an awesome ts eliot article in the guardian, painting a bomb fire, preparing for a christmas market, being in love.

an early winter day out

2009-11-08T14:01:00.005Z

a free vintage deer brooch for ellie, a two pound vintage russian hat for me, my first ever perfect little black dress thrifted with icy hands, a gorgeous sea green vintage dress for ellie, lovely lunch at our favourite leith haunt, almost tears by both of us as we joyfully found a replacement for my broken yellow typewriter (please see number two of this list), a lovely, lovely pint of strawberry cider in this awesome place. i think we shall be frequenting there an awful lot more . . . i love days out with miss moriarty.

"just right" . . . .

2009-11-03T10:36:00.009Z

Some things that I saw when I awoke early early early this morning; a note found in our chalkboard in the bathroom, the leaves outside our window, a beautiful thrifted crocheted blanket to remind me of my grandma, two empty bowls of porridge. I haven't eaten cereal since i was six but a beautiful girl i know talked me into it and do you know, she was right-it is awesome! i made ours with co-op clover honey.

last night i dreamt about crosswords. i forgot to share the news that on all hallows' eve my boy and i finished the saturday guardian crossword! he truly is amazing when it comes to general knowledge. made me think of a magical song by this lovely band.

i've been spending lots and lots of time studying astronomy and trying to understand the big things more. on sunday b and i were discussing the needs for a planet to be able to sustain life. we were oohing and aahing on the NASA website at shots of our planet from the moon. i don't know what happened but for the first time in my entire life, on saturday night walking home alone from sainsburys i looked up at our bright white magical circle and its ridges and wanted to know what we would look like from up there. rudolf steiner, what are you doing to me? whatever it is, i want more. and so then this morning whilst reading the history and meaning of the goldilocks tale i was blown away when i realised that we have a phrase 'goldilocks planet' which describes this very thing, based on the 'just right' concept from the story. wow. what a world of coincidence we live in. and how lucky we are to have this planet that is 'just right'. let's all aim to be good and kind to it; give it a bear hug today.

Oíche Shamhna

2009-10-31T23:00:00.003Z

i feel very proud of my celtic irish roots on this special, dark night.

outside

2009-10-30T14:05:00.004Z

I've spent the last few days up to my eyes in literature about the link between children starved of nature with childhood depression, obesity, low self worth and heartache. life hurts so much sometimes. please find a child and take them tree climbing, fishing or conker gathering this weekend. believe me, if i could i have two wee men in mind that i would be trailing along after. . . . also, if you haven't seen 'Up' yet you definitely should as these themes are covered beautifully.

'i know there's a big world out there
like the one i saw on the screen
in my living room late last night
it was almost too bright to see' . . . .

[The Postal Service]

2009-10-26T11:02:00.003Z

this weekend was an oxjam festival with a girl that i adore, a saturday spent in my own company buying a magical china horse and early christmas presents, beautiful stalls at this awesome event, the best veggie shepherd pie he has ever made me, curried carrot soup, home made nut oil bread, one magpie amongst three pigeons in our tree, sad dreams about a yellow balloon, happy thoughts about the man i have and the life that we are living.

secret time . . .

2009-10-16T09:39:00.004+01:00

tea party time . . . i got some amazing news this week. one of my pieces is being published in my absolute favourite journal- wicked alice. when i started having the courage to send my little pieces of work off places, i never dreamt i'd be privileged enough to have anything of mine in this mind-blowingly good collection of work. i'll tell you a wee secret. i cried hard when Kristy emailed me. thank-you. you are one awesome lady.

(she dances around the room whilst clicking refresh to make sure it actually happened.) xx

colours

2009-10-15T23:14:00.003+01:00

you make me see colours way more beautifully. this autumn will be ablaze and resplendent.

hummingbird . . . .

2009-10-09T11:16:00.002+01:00

i got a new book . . . i am a wee bit in love. life round here has been slow and wonderful. baking cupcakes, days out with the lovely ellie, listening to the most beautiful mountain music, doing dishes, wrapping up warm, reading norse mythology, receiving emails that made me jump for joy . . . secrets that need to be kept for a small few days more . . .

please read this . . .

2009-10-07T20:45:00.001+01:00

please read this because it will make you happy. xx

like a milk maid . . .

2009-10-07T09:17:00.001+01:00

october

2009-10-05T10:26:00.003+01:00

october weekends are awesome. there is soup making, coleslaw to take to school made by a boy, a home warmed by a girl baking bread, julius ceasar, a michelmas play with a big scary dragon, stomping home after school through burnt orange leaves, the edge of love, potato cakes forged from left over nutmag mash, cuddling, hot chocolate, reading, discussions about consumerism and choices made involving the life we want to lead. and did i say hot chocolate? . . . october- you are just as wonderful this year as you were last.

paris . . .

2009-10-04T15:32:00.002+01:00

the man i love made me beautiful hot chocolate there now and i am reading the new lula whilst listening to the amelie soundtrack that a lovely girl gave me. made me think of paris . . . some day, some day.

circlets for a horse woman

2009-10-03T22:41:00.010+01:00

sometimes in the drawing she is wearing feathers.
not just on her head but all around of her body. sometimes she rides a
beautiful white horse called Each Uisce. most of the time she just
stands beside him, peacefully; silently.
she is a strong but ethereal figure.
she always wears a robe of black. this is never sad, nor frightening.
it is just the way it is and that is all.
in later years she will throw her coloured feathers to the wayside.
a murder of crows atop a crumbling rainbow.
then she allowed only for the inclusion of white.
sometimes she would scatter these to the sand all around of her and all
would be silent and still at that moment in time.
at the very end there was a tall, conical brown paper head-piece.
she stepped into the final battle with such courage and grace;
wearing a plain but oh-so delicate garland.

a wee ceramic bird . . .

2009-10-02T16:37:00.002+01:00

. . . helps you fly home in a rain storm.

i had a full tour of my school this morning, then my boy came home from work and made me ciabatta with last night's awesome veggie bolognaise. mmmm. meursault were awesome last night. the bus man waited as i hobbled to catch him late last night. ( a wee lady in the romania fund charity shop nearly broke my foot on wednesday with golf clubs . . .). thank you mr bus man. i just wanted to get home out of the beautiful autumnal winds and snuggle with a boy i know. edinburgh, i love you.

what i wore . . .

2009-10-01T15:34:00.003+01:00

given that i am going to be a steiner teacher and have the drawing skills of a five year old girl, i have joined this awesome group. gemma correll you are magical.

i don't even care that everyone else is awesome and i am not . . . x

one hundred horses

2009-09-30T11:32:00.002+01:00

sometimes we have to be outside to know what we can be on the inside. one hundred horses have been ridden over here. xx

our most brilliant friends . . .

2009-09-30T09:51:00.004+01:00

slow club, you rock my world.

gone are the days of listening to your myspace songs on repeat to cure myself of the loneliness and emptiness of a few years ago.
saturday night was filled with girls only just found; already truly cherished. we bopped along to your indie, quirky beats, we held back the tears when things became a bit heartbroken, we giggled when our wee heads felt bubbly.

slow club, thank-you.

poppy arrived . . .

2009-09-27T20:22:00.002+01:00

. . . and we are beside ourselves with glee. xx

autumnal days . . .

2009-09-27T16:13:00.003+01:00

i was having a wee read at something i wrote this time last year and it made me very happy for the season that is stretching itself out with a deep, beautiful yawn; in shades of brown and orange.

Autumn is here and I am a happy girl. At the moment I am sitting in b’s parent’s house. we are far enough out of town that the evening sky is clear enough, even in the darkness, that I can see the trees.

I am gazing out the window at the burnt leaves in a field across from the garden and I can smell the butternut squash mash that the boy is cooking me along with his yummy-in-my-tummy three bean. . .

it is cold enough for mittens and hats. This fact warms my heart. It is time to start staying at home ALWAYS instead of just MOST of the time.

There will be cooking of the season’s ware and hopefully alot more cinnamon in our meals . . .

(written as autumn came out to play, september 2008)

This is how autumn looks in our house. xx

my wee men . . .

2009-09-25T12:16:00.002+01:00

. . . are desperately mised today. the two most amazing, witty, intelligent and all round awesome boys that i have ever known. photograph taken when they were very teeney on a disposable camera. note written by nolan to teach his big sister some science . and no, i didn't know.

falling in love

2009-09-24T12:08:00.003+01:00

i met evie. she looked at me like she had known me her whole (teeney) life. she snuggled my nose, held my hand, smiled at me, hugged me. i fell in love.

coffee at old haunts, a picnic in the park with a sun that had his hat on, pink lemonade, teacups, charity shops, roast veg in a real life picnic loaf, polaroids.

laughter together, tears together, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.

a goodbye and a hello . . .

2009-09-21T20:05:00.003+01:00

today i said goodbye to my wee shop. it was sad but i know that it is the first day of a brand new beginning. one that i had never dreamed would be a part of my life in december when i made my new year's resolutions. but it is oh, so right.

one thing i did know i would do is happening tomorrow . . . i am going to meet wee baby bean and i simply cannot wait to have wee evie isabella in my arms. seeing her beautiful mamma will be all kinds of wonderful too . . .

happy unanniversary . . .

2009-09-13T17:56:00.003+01:00

so, i just scolded brian for not remembering our monthly anniversary . . .which it turns out isn't for nearly a week. eeeek. think i am a wee bit stressed what with still working full time and my training course the full weekend. well, at least that's my excuse for being so scatty! hope everyone had a lovely weekend. we are about to have sambar and strawberry cider. mmmmm xxx

roses and ice cream floats . . .

2009-09-10T21:48:00.003+01:00

we had a day out by the water.
ice cream floats in teacups here, vintage finds in old lady charity shops, old lace, wee sore feet, a wee joyful heart.

paper dolls

2009-09-09T21:31:00.005+01:00

i feel like i am meeting people that i will have in my life for a very long time.

it feels like words are being shared that mean many more tomorrows. a circle with links across the room like a beautiful spider's web, visits from people as the last sunshine sneaks in through the window, drinks under the stairs.

a chain of paper dolls that is in its very early stages.

in a wee wooden boat . . .

2009-09-04T23:50:00.003+01:00

. . . i shall set sail for lands that are new and that are oh, so beautiful.
i start the rest of my life tomorrow morning. right now i am practicing writing with an ink-pen once more, ironing my best black frock for my first day at school and getting ready to grow. xx

big, life changing, magical news . . .

2009-09-02T20:00:00.004+01:00

sooooo . . . i have been keeping a secret from you. i had to wait to tell this little lady in person on her birthday before i could share it.

remember all my plans of a masters, then a phd, then a life of academia? well, for the last few months i've been having serious doubts about the whole thing as those close to me will have had to endure listening to on many a cider fuelled night. was i doing it just because i knew i could? was that any good reason to do something at all? would i really be truly content in such an environment and lifestyle? would i really ever feel like i was living the calm, meaningful and wonderful life i wanted to live? etc, etc, etc

then some of those i hold closest of all reminded me of when i was happiest- teaching children art for next to no money. most of the wee ones i taught were steiner school children and their parents constantly said how my teaching at their weekend art class perfectly complimented the way in which they were learning in their school week. i'll admit, it was always at the back of my mind . . .
then i met a wonderful girl and randomly talked with her about it . . she is a steiner teacher. she gave me the edinburgh school's number. i called them. we talked for an hour. they asked if they could interview me. i was going to london that next day. i said yes. on the monday after london i was interviewed to start a three year steiner school teacher training course. i start saturday. life as i knew and had planned for it will never be the same. and for the first time in my adult life, i feel happy with where my career and life are journeying to.

i feel like me. xx

the last day of summer . . .

2009-08-31T00:39:00.001+01:00

. . . deserves a polaroid, no matter what.

cider as summer tries to go to sleep

2009-08-28T23:20:00.004+01:00

the boy and i are sitting together listening to the wind howl outside and the rain fall on the trees like as if an old xylophone were being tested in a tin shed.

we are drinking cider and i am thanking my lucky stars for all the changes that this summer has brought.
we are, indeed, creating our own lives.

folk songs for mermaids . . .

2009-08-16T15:08:00.004+01:00

sometimes we find wooden instruments that we don’t remember owning. sometimes we dream about sea shanties that we didn’t think we had ever heard. there are mornings that are so dark and ballad-filled that we pull the curtains over to keep the bats out but they are actually mourning sea-birds in disguise. sometimes we leave water dripping down on ancient sand from braided hair that is not even wet.
there are some evenings that are so filled with folk songs that the moon thinks she is a ship at the break of dawn, in august.

I always dream that I am a mermaid but I am not.

There are some folk songs that are only meant for mermaids.

london . . .

2009-08-12T18:52:00.008+01:00

so . . . i got the dianas back of our time in london.

london was awesome. the boy and i had a beautiful time. the reading went as well as possible given my serious nerves! Some people took some of our books home which made this little cottage industry publishing house very happy.

we had amazing food, beautiful company (met up with mamma bear and her best friend in camden market which was the coolest thing to possibly do in the sun on a saturday.) there was cider and falalel in this amazing place,
then we browsed in the tate modern.
Next we met mum and theresa and wandered excitedly round camden market. we all spent the evening in this awesome bar, putting the world to rights.

that night the boy and i headed out to balham for the most amazing indian meal.
next morning we set off for brekkie in this lovely wee joint on shoreditch. mmmmmmm. i got to trawl round brick lane market and bought two stunning skirts from this lovely french indie designer. her shop rocks.
then boy and i went to the barbican and watched pigeons in the sun beside cool water sculptures.
a quick stop at gourmet burger kitchen and then a wee knackered couple hit the train home to edinburgh.

i love weekends in london. xx

love and stuff

2009-08-11T18:17:00.002+01:00

my boy (taken on my diana) = LOVE

we're home . . .

2009-08-10T22:44:00.004+01:00

london was absolutely amazing. the boy and i had the most beautiful time. but it sure felt good to pull into edinburgh waverley on the train. we love our new wee home. i promise to tell you tall tales when i am less sleepy. x

like a bird . . .

2009-08-06T22:02:00.003+01:00

. . . that was just about to fly to london town. our train leaves at 10.30 tomorrow morning. i am so excited. this summer is wondrous.

the countdown . . .

2009-08-04T23:31:00.002+01:00

. . . up to our eyes in pieces of china white card, self-made graph paper paper and my words. a new stapler for this publishing house and the most perfect stir-fry makes the mountain of work less daunting. this summer is what we are making of it.

london town, here we come.

yayyyyy . . .

2009-08-02T00:04:00.005+01:00

. . . two very exciting things happened this weekend.

number one- the boy launched my website: www.kerrinidochartaigh.com
i am unbelievably happy right now. i would really appreciate some feedback if anyone wants to have a wee peek? thanks a million.

number two- this beautiful little lady is coming into my life in eight weeks. i ordered her from pashely on friday . . . bessie has told me that she is ok with this. she knows i still love her, i just have to accept that all the servicing in the world won't make vintage brakes safe.

Also- I found out that the london poetry festival have released an anthology; - the london poetry pearl. They have chosen to include my pieces ' a crown ', ' midsummer ', a jersey cow ' and ' celestial bodies (post the age of discovery) ' .

Did I mention how awesome this summer is shaping up to be?

xx

old trees . . .

2009-08-01T21:01:00.004+01:00

Your name
is the only one
that i dream
of carving
into
old trees.